The Beginning of the End

Saturday, December 6, 2008

So, I just realized that it has been almost three weeks since my last post. Where has the time gone? It is now that time which happens twice a year. It is finals time here at LMU and sleep seems to be the one thing that is lacking; however, caffeine seems to be abundant. Seriously though, caffeine is a mysterious and wonderful substance. Among all the craziness, sleep deprivation, and stress I have started to wonder if this is how it is supposed to be. I mean, when did not getting enough sleep, not eating regularly/healthy and being stressed out to the point of breaking beneficial to the learning process and academia in general? Last week, I was so stressed out that I could feel the effect it was having on my body. It was almost painful and I felt a lot of tension in my chest and stomach. I had to control my body mentally to calm down. My poor roommate Christine has been up for practically days, sleeping a few hours from the wee hours of the morning until sun up. Is a paper worth all this? 

This particular semester has been the most trying semester so far during my time at University and maybe that is the reason I have noticed this issue. I do not feel that under this sort of pressure and stress students perform at their highest level, and yet the finals are held with the heaviest weight in the overall grade. I just do not understand this logic. Thankfully, there is one more week until Christmas Break...just have to make it till then. :) 

Looking back on the past four months I see lots of growth, especially politically and socially, motivation, excitement, networking, and inspiration within myself. This period has been very difficult at times, but I feel as if so much good has come out of it that I wouldn't want to change anything. I have had so many wonderful opportunities and have had the chance to work with the most amazing people. My graduating class is filled with determination, work ethic, creativity, and extraordinary attitudes. It fills me with great pride to have been able to learn along side them and am hopeful that they will each make a name for themselves in their fields. For those who are worried about the next generation taking over, I would say you don't have to be too worried. We are not all crazy, irresponsible people. 

Wildfires 2008

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

So, as most already know there are many wildfires burning in Southern California. This weekend, Los Angeles got engulfed with smoke from several of the wildfires on either side of us. I have included some pictures from Getty Images from the fires to give a reality to what is going on. Even being here for just over a year it has become my reality to go on with my daily life, breathing in the ash and dealing with the headaches that accompany the smoke. The light the smoke creates is very orange with blue shadows. It looks like Golden hour 

all day. I have also included some maps to give a sense of how many wildfires are currently burning. 

                                     Southern California wildfires currently burning. 

Wildfires closest to the LA area. 

                                   The above image is Los Angeles on late Saturday 

                                                        and all day on Sunday. 

This image is from the trailer park that burned.

A man tries to protect his house while his neighbor's burns. 

Update to Wednesday

Friday, November 7, 2008

After having a mental, physical, and spiritual breakdown on Wednesday (Wow, really? All three?!) , I am in a much better state. I called Aaron after writing the previous post to talk to him about what was going on in my head. He has always been the calm and logical one when I am going crazy. He also knows how to speak to me when I am worried and has a way of reassuring me everything will be fine. 

First we talked politics. He said that he doesn't think Obama will be as terrible as I think he will be. Aaron also said that the system we have in place is in place to keep one person from having total control, and hopes that it will serve this purpose during this administration. We talked about past presidents and how some are considered some of the worst leaders. And we talked about how he could be one of the best. It does seem as if we are due for another great president. 

Aaron and I then started talking about when Jesus was coming back and some of my fears wrapped around that topic. He said that he didn't think that me wanting to live life and have children, etc. was a bad thing. He said that it was probably normal as Life is a gift from God Himself. Aaron did say that spending all my time fearful of not living out my life was not what God wanted for me. (Which he was very right to say.) 

We also talked about this in the context of our relationship. Aaron and I got together under some pretty unusual circumstances to say the least. We have survived our senior year of high school, the first two years of college in a long distance relationship, and I was accepted into LMU so we could spend the last two years of college together. Aaron said he thinks God has a lot in store for us to have made it this far and not have broken up. I think so too. 

I am very thankful to be where I am in life. I am also very grateful to have had the experiences I have had the past few years. I know that it has made me smarter and shaped the person I am today. 

Some Thoughts on the Election

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Today, I woke up with a headache. In only a few hours it escalated to a full blown migraine. I only get migraines when I am super stressed out and worried, and this afternoon it got so bad that it took the medication almost two hours to work and I had to lay down. I should be doing homework right now, but I can't focus and though that writing about my anxiety would help. 

As I watched the several crowds in multiple cities last night and thinking about Obama's "Hope", "Yes we can", and "Change" slogans, I couldn't help but think about when Hitler was elected. He was all about hope and change. Well, there certainly was a lot of change, just no hope. I feel like there is so much uncertainty surrounding Obama. However, I want him to be a great President. I want him to prove me wrong and turn this country around. 

Also, because of the current economic status and the things that have happened recently, there have been talks that we are in the last days and Jesus will be coming back soon. I know that this is something I should be anticipating and excited about, but I can't help thinking that I want the opportunity to get married, have children and live life like everyone else has had the chance to do. I know this sounds very selfish of me, and I feel very ashamed that I am not more excited. I feel like this is a reflection of my relationship with God. I haven't felt as close to God as I have in the past in a long time. Ever since Matt Roden left BCC a little over three years ago, I haven't found another mentor to help me with my relationship with God. 

Going to school at LMU makes going to church very difficult. It is much more academically challenging and I haven't had a free weekend in months. Last year I went to Mosaic Community Church a few times. I am not a huge fan of the music, but it is tolerable. However, Erwin is an amazing speaker. The problem is that he comes from Pasadena to Beverly Hills Highschool and he gets stuck in traffic on the freeway very often. He also travels a lot. I feel as if this is not the right fit for me. I need my church to be stable. Mosaic meets in a highschool like BCC used to meet in the middle school. Erwin seems too stretched out for my taste and need. And because of our very busy schedules, Aaron and I haven't had time to search out some of the other churches in LA. 

Throw everything else that is going on in my life into these worries and I've got one huge headache. I also felt the stress and anxiety in my body today. I was breathing heavier and felt more on edge physically. I know part of it is that I am not eating regularly. What I eat is healthy; however, like today, I didn't have anything to eat until 3:30pm (except for a few almonds in the morning) and I scarfed down dinner. 

I know deep down inside my heart that God is in control and everything is going to be okay. I am just a worrier. Always have been and always will be. 

The Art of the Pursuit

Today has been quite an interesting day with LipSync sales, lunch meeting with a consultant, ROAR Network club pictures and the election. However, non of these top the most random, and yet interesting, occurrence that happened to me today. 

It started when I was selling LipSync DVDs at Convo. A guy I recognized from my Prison Literature class (which is directly after Convo) started talking to me about our Midterm exam we had the previous Thursday. I told him what I thought and we talked a little bit about the readings. (We have read 5 books, two essays, and 3-4 videos so far.) I had to drop off the DVDs and cart at ROAR and I told him I would see him in class. 

Well, we got out of class a bit early. I was making my way down the stairs and he came up beside me and asked how my Halloween had been. I replied that I had worked on the LipSync DVD Halloween night and all weekend as I was in charge of the production. He asked if I was a graphic designer and I told him that I was the Business Manager for ROAR, the reason why I was in charge. We made our way to Regents Terrace, just outside of the building where our class is held. Finally, he asked me if he could get my phone number so he could call me sometime so we could maybe get together and go out. I was quite surprised at the question as I have never been asked out before. I felt bad for him because I realized he hadn't noticed the ring on my finger. I politely informed him that I was engaged. I believe he was very surprised and a bit embarrassed at the fact he had just asked someone who was engaged out on a date. He proceeded to ask me how old I was and how long I had been with the person to whom I was engaged. I told him that I was sorry and we went our separate ways. He is a very nice person and I really hope he doesn't feel too bad about the situation. 

This honestly caught me off guard. As I mentioned before, I have never been asked out. I personally took it as a complement. These days I am not in the best shape. My hair needs to be cut and colored, I look tired, and I dress very comfortably. I guess if I can still attract interest in this very low state, I am in good shape. 

I know Aaron found this very amusing, but I also think he was a little offended that someone would ask me out. I find it very amusing and another weird twist to an already weird day. 

A Love for Production

Sunday, November 2, 2008

For the past four weeks, I have been managing the production of the 2008 Greek Week LipSync DVD. The event, LipSync, is the last event/competition during Greek Week where the Greeks put on a performance that tells a story and they have to lip sync to the music. ROAR Network filmed the event again this year and we are producing DVDs to be sold. I have over seen the filming, graphics, motion graphics, editing, and printing of both the DVD covers and the actual DVDs. 

Through this process, I have realized how much I truly enjoy managing large projects like this one. In the grand scheme of things, this is not a HUGE project, but for ROAR Network it is and for us students who have a lot going on it is very demanding of our time. However, I am getting really excited about seeing everything starting to come together. Last night I watched the first edit of the event and I made notes on what I wanted changed. I made a lot of notes, something I am sure Aaron was not happy about, but I liked the feeling of putting my vision for the project into action. The lead editor did a good job editing the event, but having overseen last year's LipSync DVD as well, I knew how I wanted to make this one different and also how I wanted the event to flow. 

I have talked to Aaron about this the last couple of days. I really miss Television Production and I can see that as something I would love to wake up every morning and go to work to do. He has been really encouraging about all of this and supports me in whatever I decide to pursue. I love my photography too. I have a little bit of time to decide where I want to head. I know that art will always be a part of my life no matter what I do, I am just overwhelmed at how my passion for production has come rushing back. 

The Life of an Artist

Sunday, October 26, 2008

One of the classes I am taking this semester is called "Professional Practices in Studio Arts." The purpose of this class is supposed to prepare us for our careers as artist and to learn the ins and outs of the art world. However, it has been a class that has been very challenging on a lot of different levels. My professor, who shall remained unnamed, is very critical. Period. He does not voice a lot of enthusiasm for us and tells us we have to be motivated to make it as an artist. This I agree with him on; however, he underestimates the amount of self motivation within the class. In doing so, he is causing the reverse to happen and my classmates and I feel we have reached a point where we just can't take anymore. He is quite a negative person and the ironic thing about this is that he is a priest. 

For some of the classes, my professor has some artist or industry professional come in and talk to us about their career and how they have become successful. This past week we had an artist, Michael Moon, come speak to us. One of the first things he said was that we have been blessed with the gift of art making. His whole spirit was uplifting and a breath of fresh air within a class that is full of negative criticisms. He asked us why we chose art as our path. He said that we should not give up on this career because it is a career that if full of subjectivity and risk. One of the most important things Michael said was we needed to create our work for ourselves. Then, and only then, were we going to be happy with our work and with our careers. The best work always happens when we create for ourselves. 

I found this simple, yet so profound. This is something so easily forgotten when you are dealing with curators and dealers and your audience. Those are the people that are helping to advance your career and help to provide a living. However, it is most important that the artist doesn't get lost within his own work. 

When I look beyond the walls of LMU and think of my career, I am still uncertain of what I want to see happen. I know I want to do what I love. I do not want to work a job where I am unhappy and that lacks meaning and purpose. I know it must be creative. I know the work I create must be something I get up every morning excited about doing. God created work so our lives would have meaning and purpose. Are we not short changing ourselves if we allow ourselves to work for work's sake? For only a paycheck? I know in my heart that God has lead me to LMU for a reason and I am trusting him to lead me and inspire me to a career that is meaningful and purposeful. 

Stephen Berkman and Deborah Lawrence

Thursday, October 23, 2008

For the last two weeks I have had the opportunities to learn directly from two established artists. The first was Stephen Berkman (www.stephenberkman.com) who is currently showing at the Laband Art Gallery here at LMU and he was giving a walk through of his show. He is a photographer who works with 19th century photographic techniques, i.e. glass plate negatives, "old fashioned" cameras, etc. He stages his photographs and subjects in 19th century style dress and is particular about the look of his subject. He often asks people in the grocery store to be in his photographs, or where ever else he might be when he sees someone he particularly likes. Stephen is a very interesting person to listen to, and even though his process may be seen as out dated, his work, in my opinion, is smarter than most of modern day techniques.

Yesterday, I was able to be apart of a workshop with collage artist Deborah Lawrence (www.deedeeworks.com). Even though I wasn't able to complete my collage during the time I was there, I was able to talk to her about my concept and she gave me feedback and suggestions based on her experience and process. After the workshop, I thought to myself  how really blessed I am to be able to have experiences like this one where I can learn directly from the artist and have a personal conversation with them about my own piece. 

This semester had been a busy one, but I have never felt so challenged (in a good way). I can feel myself learning. That statement might sound weird, but during some classes they are so dull or taught so badly that you feel like you just do the work and go to class to get the grade. This semester, and most of my semesters at LMU, I have "felt" myself learning. Maybe been more conscious of my learning is a better way of putting it. 

Some Jewelry

Friday, October 17, 2008

I have always loved jewelry and the creative freedom it allows. I took a basic jewelry making class this past summer while in Nashville and I am officially hooked. Here are a couple of images of some necklaces I have made. I have also made some earrings, but the images didn't come out very well and I need to re-shoot them. I got some of the beads at Michael's and some I got at the Flea Market in Nashville. The Flea Market is a great resource because you can find some fabulous old jewelry and take the beads and make something new. It is also very Eco friendly! 

Post-It Notes

Sunday, October 12, 2008

So, in order to keep my life in order I have resorted to using post-it notes. In the space between my bed and my desk I have what I call "My Wedding Wall." I have included a picture so you get a visual. I also have post-its across the top of my desk to keep track of my assignments. My mom said that when I look back on this I will laugh. I might. However, without my way of organization I might just go insane. 

July 25, 2009

Saturday, October 11, 2008

I finally have a church reserved for my wedding next summer. West End Church of Christ is where the wedding ceremony will be held. It is a very beautiful church and I am so glad to have found it. July 25th, 2009 is the day Aaron and I will finally be married. I am now focusing on the reception location. I have a couple of places I am going back and forth on, just have to get more information from one. Price is right for both, for which I am very thankful. The wedding party has also been finalized and most know, just a few more to ask. Plan are moving forward. I am thankful for this. 

I made it through the past couple of weeks, especially this past week. It was very difficult, but everything came into place and went better than I could have imagined a week like the last to go. I will be able to enjoy this weekend as last weekend was spent doing homework. Thank you if you said a prayer for me this week. I know for sure I wouldn't have been able to make it through this week without the help of God and I acknowledge this fully. 

Next weekend we have "Autumn Day", which is a replacement for Fall Break. Aaron and I are thinking about getting some student tickets and going to Disney Land for the day. I am really excited as I have only been to Disney World and that was back in 1999 and we had to evacuate because of a hurricane. It should be a lot of fun. 

Of Twitching and Bloodshot Eyes

Monday, October 6, 2008

There comes a time in every semester where is seems all the faculty have a meeting and decide everything us students have been working on for the last six weeks will be due the very same week. Well, that week would be this week. Projects, midterms, and papers overflow this week. Currently, my left eye is bloodshot and my right eye twitches. Aaron said, "Its because of stress. Get used to it." That's very reassuring. At least I know WHY my eye twitches. 

It always amazes me how professors act as if their class is the only class you are taking. I highly respect those Profs. who do acknowledge there are at least four other classes demanding our time. (In my case it would be five other classes) Not to mention work, which is very demanding in and of itself. I do most of my work when I am not in the office. 

I know I will make it out alive. I always do. However, if you do read this and feel led, please say a little prayer for me. That everything falls into place, I am efficient with my time, and that nothing major comes up unexpectedly. I am also trying to finalize some things for the wedding, so please pray that I do not overlook anything. I am most forgetful these days. 

Tomorrow I will definitely start my day off with a coffee. It will be Monday. Need I say more?

Come along for the ride

Saturday, September 27, 2008

I recently made the decision to start a blog. There is so much going on in my life right now that I thought this would be the best way to capture what is happening. I can type much faster than I can write these days with all the emails I am sending, I would say on a daily basis, but the reality is more like an hourly basis. This past Monday I received over 40 email strands and some with multiple replies. Yep, it was definitely a Monday. 

I am in the process of planning my wedding which will be held in Nashville, TN in July 2009. Some have said that I am getting a head start. However, being in Los Angeles and trying to plan a wedding in Nashville has proven to be quite a challenge. Not to mention that because I am not getting married in my own church, I am having to find another church in which to hold the ceremony. A lot of churches only allow their members to use the church for weddings, and those that are open to non-members have pretty ugly (okay very ugly) sanctuaries. The ones that are gorgeous are expensive. I have been looking for a sanctuary location for almost a month. And then there is the reception location...sigh*