Some Thoughts on the Election

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Today, I woke up with a headache. In only a few hours it escalated to a full blown migraine. I only get migraines when I am super stressed out and worried, and this afternoon it got so bad that it took the medication almost two hours to work and I had to lay down. I should be doing homework right now, but I can't focus and though that writing about my anxiety would help. 

As I watched the several crowds in multiple cities last night and thinking about Obama's "Hope", "Yes we can", and "Change" slogans, I couldn't help but think about when Hitler was elected. He was all about hope and change. Well, there certainly was a lot of change, just no hope. I feel like there is so much uncertainty surrounding Obama. However, I want him to be a great President. I want him to prove me wrong and turn this country around. 

Also, because of the current economic status and the things that have happened recently, there have been talks that we are in the last days and Jesus will be coming back soon. I know that this is something I should be anticipating and excited about, but I can't help thinking that I want the opportunity to get married, have children and live life like everyone else has had the chance to do. I know this sounds very selfish of me, and I feel very ashamed that I am not more excited. I feel like this is a reflection of my relationship with God. I haven't felt as close to God as I have in the past in a long time. Ever since Matt Roden left BCC a little over three years ago, I haven't found another mentor to help me with my relationship with God. 

Going to school at LMU makes going to church very difficult. It is much more academically challenging and I haven't had a free weekend in months. Last year I went to Mosaic Community Church a few times. I am not a huge fan of the music, but it is tolerable. However, Erwin is an amazing speaker. The problem is that he comes from Pasadena to Beverly Hills Highschool and he gets stuck in traffic on the freeway very often. He also travels a lot. I feel as if this is not the right fit for me. I need my church to be stable. Mosaic meets in a highschool like BCC used to meet in the middle school. Erwin seems too stretched out for my taste and need. And because of our very busy schedules, Aaron and I haven't had time to search out some of the other churches in LA. 

Throw everything else that is going on in my life into these worries and I've got one huge headache. I also felt the stress and anxiety in my body today. I was breathing heavier and felt more on edge physically. I know part of it is that I am not eating regularly. What I eat is healthy; however, like today, I didn't have anything to eat until 3:30pm (except for a few almonds in the morning) and I scarfed down dinner. 

I know deep down inside my heart that God is in control and everything is going to be okay. I am just a worrier. Always have been and always will be.