Contentment. Or the lack thereof.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

     Lately it seems as if I have been struggling with contentment. I guess I have battled this before, but never to this magnitude and length. When I was younger I could not wait to get out of high school, which eventually turned into college. I would say that is normal and even though I felt that way I really didn't have a choice in the situation. I just accepted my life at the time. I'm not saying those times were bad, I just felt held back by these requirements and wanted to get on with my life. 

     Now I am married and live in Asheville with Aaron. We both have jobs and other responsibilities which keep us busy. We have a decent size apartment and are able to pay our bills and have some left over. We have been completely blessed with our situation now, but for some reason I feel there is a lot left to be desired. 

Asheville is a pretty small big city. There is only so much to do in the winter, and even though I have enjoyed all the snow we have been getting, it always seems to come on a weekend when we are free to explore and get out of our house. On weeknights we pretty much stay home and try to catch some of the TV shows we watch. Not too exciting, I know! But that also happens to be an effort to save money. Having all this time at home would be fine if I were happy with where we are living. I have been active over the past month to start investing in making it feel like our place. Our bedroom actually feels the most comfortable as we have hung curtains, changed our duvet and I got this really awesome wool rug that makes it look so chic. (If you can make an all white apartment look chic.) The other rooms seem to be a mix-match of a bunch of styles. 

I think part of what fueled this discontentment is our initial house search. I am completely happy with our price range, just not happy with from what we have to choose. I did a little research to see what we could get in Nashville (just to see how much a difference there really was) and I was shocked at what we could get in Nashville versus what we could get here. You would expect it to be the opposite. That was really disheartening. Plus, we just weren't finding anything we felt was right for us. We wanted to be able to take advantage of the first time home buyers tax credit, but that won't happen now. It is so very important to us to have a home where others can stay with us, where we have enough room to have people over, and where we have enough room for a growing family. We truly believe where we live is God's house and we want to use it to glorify Him. We want to have our doors "open" and always be ready for anything that comes our way.

I feel as if this discontentment won't go away until I feel settled here. To me being settled looks like having a house, not living in an apartment. It seems like I haven't been settled for some time, having lived in two apartments in LA in two years that I had to move out of after only ten months. My living situation in Asheville feels temporary and that makes staying in Asheville feel even more temporary. I want this place to start feeling like home instead of somewhere I am going to be for only a little while. 

My discontentment is not only from our living situation. I have a creative side that has not been met in quite a while. As I mentioned in my previous post, we have an extra room we are trying to convert to an office space. This takes time as we don't have some key furniture pieces just yet to make it function. I know when we get this space to the way we want it I will have more of a drive to work on my art. 

I hope this does not sound like I am complaining. Well, maybe I am just a little bit, but I know that I should, and need to be, content with what God has given me. He has blessed us more than we could imagine. I am working on finding peace and happiness in this situation and time of discontentment. I know the Lord will help me through this and that He knows my desires even more than I do. 

So, is there anything about which you have been feeling discontent? What do you do to cope with feeling this way? I look forward to hearing from you

February is the new January

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I just cannot believe it is 2010. Even though it is already February, January went by way too fast.  It seems there is something about this year that is making people really think about how they are living their lives and dedicating (at least right now) themselves to making this year better than the last. We did take a lot of hits as a nation in 2009. I know I am certainly happy to have a "fresh start" with the new year. Normally I don't make "resolutions" because I know myself well enough to know I can get easily distracted and not keep the resolutions I set for myself. I just avoid the disappointment I will feel against myself altogether. This year, however, I do not see anything wrong with setting some goals for myself in the next year. I like that word better anyways. So here are my goals for 2010. 

1) I want to grow deeper in my walk with Christ. I have grown SO MUCH this past year. I have been challenged in ways I have never been challenged before and I LOVED it. I absolutely LOVE when God tests my faith because I am always amazed at how He works things out. He always blows me away. 

2) I want to grow greater in love and respect for my husband. Aaron and I have never had an "easy" year in the time we have been together. We have learned that the hard times can either make us stronger or break us down. In this next year I am committing myself to my marriage. Right now we are in the foundation building stage of our marriage. If we do not come together now, the rest may be a little shaky. 

3) I want to return to my creative side. Since I started my job back in late September, I haven't worked on my jewelry or my photography. Aaron and I are dedicated to creating a space for the both of us so I can pursue my arts and he can possibly take on some freelance projects. We have an extra room and we feel like we need to be using for more than just storage. By the way, if you are getting rid of furniture, especially bookcases and side chairs, let us know! 

4) I want to work really hard to save as much money as possible. Lately I have really gotten into reading and learning ways to save money on everyday needs. We have student loans and we want to pay them off as soon as possible and saving money in these areas will help with that. We are thinking ahead as Aaron and I don't want to wait too long before having our first baby. We want to get into the best financial situation before then. 

5) I want to blog more. I know, it's my own fault that I don't. I really enjoy blogging and I think of ideas I want to share all the time. I just have to commit the time to doing so. Hopefully when we get our office into working order, there will be more incentive to do so. 

These are my goals for 2010. I hope you have looked at your life and set goals for yourself as well. I would love to hear from you about what goals you are setting for the new year.