Contentment. Or the lack thereof.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

     Lately it seems as if I have been struggling with contentment. I guess I have battled this before, but never to this magnitude and length. When I was younger I could not wait to get out of high school, which eventually turned into college. I would say that is normal and even though I felt that way I really didn't have a choice in the situation. I just accepted my life at the time. I'm not saying those times were bad, I just felt held back by these requirements and wanted to get on with my life. 

     Now I am married and live in Asheville with Aaron. We both have jobs and other responsibilities which keep us busy. We have a decent size apartment and are able to pay our bills and have some left over. We have been completely blessed with our situation now, but for some reason I feel there is a lot left to be desired. 

Asheville is a pretty small big city. There is only so much to do in the winter, and even though I have enjoyed all the snow we have been getting, it always seems to come on a weekend when we are free to explore and get out of our house. On weeknights we pretty much stay home and try to catch some of the TV shows we watch. Not too exciting, I know! But that also happens to be an effort to save money. Having all this time at home would be fine if I were happy with where we are living. I have been active over the past month to start investing in making it feel like our place. Our bedroom actually feels the most comfortable as we have hung curtains, changed our duvet and I got this really awesome wool rug that makes it look so chic. (If you can make an all white apartment look chic.) The other rooms seem to be a mix-match of a bunch of styles. 

I think part of what fueled this discontentment is our initial house search. I am completely happy with our price range, just not happy with from what we have to choose. I did a little research to see what we could get in Nashville (just to see how much a difference there really was) and I was shocked at what we could get in Nashville versus what we could get here. You would expect it to be the opposite. That was really disheartening. Plus, we just weren't finding anything we felt was right for us. We wanted to be able to take advantage of the first time home buyers tax credit, but that won't happen now. It is so very important to us to have a home where others can stay with us, where we have enough room to have people over, and where we have enough room for a growing family. We truly believe where we live is God's house and we want to use it to glorify Him. We want to have our doors "open" and always be ready for anything that comes our way.

I feel as if this discontentment won't go away until I feel settled here. To me being settled looks like having a house, not living in an apartment. It seems like I haven't been settled for some time, having lived in two apartments in LA in two years that I had to move out of after only ten months. My living situation in Asheville feels temporary and that makes staying in Asheville feel even more temporary. I want this place to start feeling like home instead of somewhere I am going to be for only a little while. 

My discontentment is not only from our living situation. I have a creative side that has not been met in quite a while. As I mentioned in my previous post, we have an extra room we are trying to convert to an office space. This takes time as we don't have some key furniture pieces just yet to make it function. I know when we get this space to the way we want it I will have more of a drive to work on my art. 

I hope this does not sound like I am complaining. Well, maybe I am just a little bit, but I know that I should, and need to be, content with what God has given me. He has blessed us more than we could imagine. I am working on finding peace and happiness in this situation and time of discontentment. I know the Lord will help me through this and that He knows my desires even more than I do. 

So, is there anything about which you have been feeling discontent? What do you do to cope with feeling this way? I look forward to hearing from you

February is the new January

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I just cannot believe it is 2010. Even though it is already February, January went by way too fast.  It seems there is something about this year that is making people really think about how they are living their lives and dedicating (at least right now) themselves to making this year better than the last. We did take a lot of hits as a nation in 2009. I know I am certainly happy to have a "fresh start" with the new year. Normally I don't make "resolutions" because I know myself well enough to know I can get easily distracted and not keep the resolutions I set for myself. I just avoid the disappointment I will feel against myself altogether. This year, however, I do not see anything wrong with setting some goals for myself in the next year. I like that word better anyways. So here are my goals for 2010. 

1) I want to grow deeper in my walk with Christ. I have grown SO MUCH this past year. I have been challenged in ways I have never been challenged before and I LOVED it. I absolutely LOVE when God tests my faith because I am always amazed at how He works things out. He always blows me away. 

2) I want to grow greater in love and respect for my husband. Aaron and I have never had an "easy" year in the time we have been together. We have learned that the hard times can either make us stronger or break us down. In this next year I am committing myself to my marriage. Right now we are in the foundation building stage of our marriage. If we do not come together now, the rest may be a little shaky. 

3) I want to return to my creative side. Since I started my job back in late September, I haven't worked on my jewelry or my photography. Aaron and I are dedicated to creating a space for the both of us so I can pursue my arts and he can possibly take on some freelance projects. We have an extra room and we feel like we need to be using for more than just storage. By the way, if you are getting rid of furniture, especially bookcases and side chairs, let us know! 

4) I want to work really hard to save as much money as possible. Lately I have really gotten into reading and learning ways to save money on everyday needs. We have student loans and we want to pay them off as soon as possible and saving money in these areas will help with that. We are thinking ahead as Aaron and I don't want to wait too long before having our first baby. We want to get into the best financial situation before then. 

5) I want to blog more. I know, it's my own fault that I don't. I really enjoy blogging and I think of ideas I want to share all the time. I just have to commit the time to doing so. Hopefully when we get our office into working order, there will be more incentive to do so. 

These are my goals for 2010. I hope you have looked at your life and set goals for yourself as well. I would love to hear from you about what goals you are setting for the new year. 

Christmas

Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmas is on Friday. I am sure many of you are trying to finish that last minute shopping, preparing the house for family and guests, planning menus, and wrapping presents. The magical season that comes once a year is here. We are in the midst of it all. I am thankful that it is a magical time. It causes us to gather with friends we do not see often, reflect on the year and make resolutions for the one ahead. I do not think it is a coincidence that this is the time of year we celebrate Christmas. It is a time of celebration, joy, peace, love and reconciliation. I understand that for some it might not be as joyous as it is for others. 2009 has definitely had it's rough patches, hasn't it? I have had some of the highest highs and the lowest lows this year, too. But God never promised us a perfect life, did He? In fact, He TOLD us we would have trouble. But He also PROMISED us He would ALWAYS be with us. In times where we do not see God in our lives, it is most likely because He is probably behind us. We just have to turn around (and away from OUR way of life) to see Him.

The reason we celebrate "Christmas" is because we are celebrating the birth of a baby who came down from heaven to experience our way of life, to love on us, and to provide a path to the Father in heaven. Please stop and think about this for a minute. If you have had a rough year, even if yo have had a great year, and you have been distracted away from God, I encourage you to turn back to Him. Start 2010 right with God. Jesus was God's way of reconciling with us. We sinned and He provided a way for us to be with Him. Forever. Trust me, even though I have only been on this earth for 22 years, I have experience enough time without God to know that His way is truly the only way. Life with Him is an adventure. I never know what is coming next. I did not know that I would ever live in Asheville, North Carolina. But, I have been blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

I am not the type of person that usually does this sort of thing, but God has laid this on my heart. If you are reading this and you don't know Jesus, I encourage you, no, I plead with you, start the new year right with God. He love you. He created you. Why would He want to hurt you? I promise you, 2010 will be the biggest leap of faith you will ever take. However, it will be the start of the biggest adventure you cannot even imagine. I am not promising you that the next year will be perfect. I know it won't be. But with God guiding you along the way, you will have strength, courage, and love you need. God created us. Wouldn't He know the TRUE desires and needs of our hearts?

If you are ready to commit your life to Jesus, all you have to do is pray this simple prayer:

Father God, I confess that I have sinned. I ask for your forgiveness and I ask for you to come into my life and to direct my life. Show me the life you have for me. Thank you for your mercy, grace and love. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

If you prayed this prayer, welcome to the family! Like any family, we are a crazy bunch, in every since of the word. :) If you prayed this prayer, would you let me know? You can send me an email, Facebook me, however you want. Also, if you don't have a Bible, I would like to give you one. For free. Just send me your address.

If you didn't say this prayer, but are still curious, I encourage you to find someone you trust and know to be a Christian and talk to them. If you don't know anyone, I would be thrilled to talk to you.

To all of you, if you do not have plans of Christmas Eve, go to a Christmas Eve service. I do not care of you are Catholic or Protestant. Below you will find information on several churches and their service times on Thursday. I have included some from several areas.

Nashville: 

The Church at Hope Park

Service times: 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, 6pm.

8001 Hwy 70 South

Cross Point Community Church

Dec. 23rd: 6:30pm

Dec. 24th: 3:30pm, 5pm, & 6:30pm

4301 Charlotte Ave.

Los Angeles:

SOUTH BAY
Knob Hill Community Center Sunday 6:00pm
Toddler - 5th Grade Programming

Special Christmas Eve gathering- 12/24, 5:30pm
320 Knob Hill, Redondo Beach, CA 90277

PASADENA
William Carey University Sunday 9:30am
Mott Auditorium
Birth - High School Programming Sunday 11:15am
Franson Building
Birth - 5th Grade; H.S. Prog.
* No Jr. High Programming

Special Christmas Eve gathering- 12/24, 5pm- Franson Hall
1539 East Howard Street, Pasadena

North Carolina:

Biltmore Baptist Church
Service Times: 4pm & 6pm
35 Clayton Rd, Arden, NC 28704

If there is an area that I haven't listed and you would like help finding a church in your area, please contact me and I will be more than happy to help.

I sincerely hope that you all have a joyous Christmas. I hope that it is peaceful, relaxing, and magical.

Let's Talk

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

So, I feel as if I have caught up on everything that has happened in our lives most recently. If there is a topic I did not cover, but would like me to, please leave me a comment! I would love to know.

Starting this blog again has me thinking about the purpose of my writing, especially through this outlet. I actually read several blogs by ladies that had situations come into their lives and start a blog as a means to keep family and friends in the loop. But the number of readers grew and they continued to use their blog as a means to glorify God and point their readers to Him. I am not sure I feel, at least at this very moment, that my blog is meant to be used in as big a way as theirs. However, I do feel I should have a certain authenticity with my readers as they do.

I am not really sure how many people read my blog on a regular basis. I am sure most people just pop in and read. But, I do feel as if I am in a place in my life where I could possibly reach, or at least encourage, my readers within their own lives. I don't want this blog to be about ME. Of course, most of the posts will be about my life and experiences. However, these topics, hopefully, are tools being used to share my walk with Christ. My role changes day to day, and moment by moment. I know that my purpose in life is to follow God's will, as this is the only way to truly be happy and  fulfilled.

Now, this does not mean I fill happy and fulfilled ALL the time. It is a collected feeling that forms over time. Take my job for example. I work for the student ministry at Biltmore Baptist Church. I do a lot of administrative work as that is what I was hired to do. Does creating POs fulfill me? No. Does creating POs for a ministry I stand behind and feel led to be a part of fulfill me? Yes. Do I have "long" days at work? Sometimes. Does knowing God provided this job for me and equipped me with knowledge to do it well (or the ability to learn new skills if I don't know how to do something) and called me to serve Him in this way fulfill me? Most definitely.

So, my dear readers, I am promising you that I am determined to be authentic with you, if you will be authentic with me. Authenticity is one of the biggest characteristics I notice and appreciate in people. I don't want there to be a fake facade around me because of my blog and the things I focus on here. Life is messy, raw and unfair. I will tell you now that this moment in my life is just that. Messy. Raw. Unfair. I want my life to be an open book for questions and discussion. Life is a conversation. Let's talk.

Part 4: Living in Asheville

Friday, November 20, 2009

As I said a few posts ago, the move to Asheville was a quick one. Aaron moved to Asheville in June and came back to Nashville for the wedding in July. After the honeymoon, I officially moved to Asheville and into the apartment Aaron had been staying in for the previous two months. I didn't have a job lined up in Asheville right away. I started looking as soon as I got settled. There was lots to take care of around the house. Lots of boxes to go through from the move from Nashville and then there were the boxes that were shipped to Asheville from Los Angeles. 

As I looked for a job, I used the internet in my search. I used local employ-
ment sites, Craigslist and even the local paper. The jobs available in the areas I was looking were very slim. I would have found a great job, and fast, if I worked in the medical field. :)However, I was pursuing a job in the arts or something administrative. Craigslist would have several administrative postings, but most of them I replied to were spam. Over the course of August and the early part of September, I was very frustrated that I wouldn't find a satisfying job in time for when our student loans would begin to be due. 

For those who don't know how we are doing our finances, let me explain. We are living solely on Aaron's income. All of my income is going to paying off our loans and building up our savings. This was actually recommended to us by our marriage mentors, as that is what they did. We both agreed that would be the smartest plan for our family. So far, we couldn't be happier with how things are going.

Continuing on, I became very down with the situation. I really didn't want to go into a job that I dreaded every single day. I wanted a job that made me feel a part of something and that had meaning and purpose. In my heart, I have always felt a pull to the church. (The church meaning the body and purpose, not a specific church.) Deep down I was hoping something would come my way. 


One day when Aaron came home for lunch, he told me that Carl mentioned to him that the student ministry was hiring another assistant. Specifically, an assistant for the youth pastor. I felt something in my heart tell me that I must apply for the position. The next day I took in my application and the following week I was called in for an interview with Debbie, who is over HR, with John Mark, the Youth Pastor, and to take a test which examined my spelling, grammar and typing skills. The interview went well and I was told they had more interviews to do and I would know something in a couple of weeks. At the end of the next week, I received a phone call from Debbie offering me the job. I was so excited, and relieved!, to have the opportunity to serve our new church and help provide for our family. I know without a doubt that the Lord orchestrated this job for me. The people I work with are awesome and I have seen amazing things happen in our youth group since I have been there. I believe that I am more blessed by the people I am surrounded by and the young people I serve than they truly know. When I am at work, even though I work for John Mark, we both ultimately work for our amazing God. There really is no greater boss than Him. 

It has taken a bit of time for us all to feel comfortable around each other and to truly become a team as I came into the picture. However, I feel the Lord blessing us with trust between one another and a presence of a true team spirit where we help each other beyond our own job descriptions. I believe this is the most essential quality to a good team. We have been working together to better our ministry and to better reach our students in a way that makes them respond and meets them right where they are. 

At the beginning of this move to Asheville, I have to admit I was a bit skeptical about this Biltmore Baptist Church. But, WOW! Talk about growing fast in one's faith. I have never grown like I have grown in the past three and a half months. And let me tell you, these past few months have been THE HARDEST in my whole life. The Lord has shown up everyday. Has met me at every step. And has been my guide. God KNEW that I needed an environment like this one. I NEEDED to be surrounded, not around, but SURROUNDED by people with a crazy passion for Him and for His people and reaching out and loving on those people. Asheville is so incredibly blessed to have a church that loves the city and community as much as it does. My heart overflows with His blessing, and this all in a very rough time in my life. I have never worshiped like I have been worshipping. When I get to church, I am ready to go. Start that music! And Pastor Burce, each and every week, plants a seed on my heart and challenges us all to water and cultivate that seed. 

The Lord continues to bless us every week in some form. Living in Asheville can at times be a blast, but it can also become boring at times, too. But we keep in mind that the Lord has brought us here for a reason and a little boredom isn't going to keep us down. (At least we try not to let it get to us. We realize it was only our friends back in LA that made us cool. :)  ) 
Asheville has actually been the perfect setting for Aaron and I to begin our marriage. Being in LA for two years (and Aaron for four years) we haven't had an Autumn in some time. It was so relaxing and truly breathtaking to experience the incredible fall colors and landscape the mountains have to offer. It has also allowed us to not have as much financial stress as we would have had in Los Angeles right now. Aaron and I feel that Los Angeles is in our future at some point, but we are satisfied with where we are right now. The Lord saw that we had a need. A need for a steady job, good benefits, meaningful work, and a peaceful setting for this time in our lives. He sure did provide for us. We are thankful for the opportunity to serve Him during this time as a way to give back to Him for all He has given us.

Part 3: The Honeymoon - Charleston, South Carolina

Monday, November 16, 2009

For Aaron and I's honeymoon, we decided to go to Charleston, South Carolina. we wanted somewhere that was "away," but not expensive. Aaron came upon Charleston and we both agreed that it would be somewhere we both would enjoy.

We got there late the day after the wedding. Since we had moved to Asheville and it was on the way, we unloaded our cars full of stuff which had been left in Nashville and gifts from the wedding. Then we continued on to Charleston. It was a day full of travel and we were glad to be in one place for a few days.

We stayed at The Vendue Inn. It was a boutique type hotel decorated in "period" style. It was fun to stay there as it added to the Charleston experience.

The first day we walked around the historic area of Charleston as that is where our hotel was located and Charleston is a walking friendly city. (Just so long as you don't trip over the hundreds of years old uneven sidewalks.) The city is filled with art galleries, restaurants, shops, historic buildings and churches. We especially loved the old cemeteries within the church gates. Loved seeing actual headstones.

Aaron and I also took a visit to the Charleston Aquarium. It was really cool to see all the wildlife from the area. We also decided to take a boat tour of the harbor and got to see Fort Sumter.

My favorite "site" was that of Boone Hall Plantation. It was actually in Mt. Pleasant, just a short drive from the historic area of Charleston. The house and driveway were actually used in several movies, one of them being The Notebook. It was thesummer home of Ally. They had beautiful gardens and many of the original buildings. It started to rain just before we started the tour of the house. When we got out the rain had stopped. However, it quickly picked up and were forced to leave because it was raining so hard.

On some of those rainy nights, Aaron and I caught a couple of movies. We tried to eat as locally as we could. However, we did save the nicer restaurants for dinner. One night we made reservations at this little Italian restaurant. Their food was AMAZING. Aaron got a cup of their Minestrone soup. He says it was the best he has ever had. He still talks about it until this day.

Aaron and I had a great time in Charleston. We will always remember the "scent" (a very old one). It was nice to get away after all the work on the wedding and it was also nice to come back to our new home and get settled.

Part 2: The Wedding

Thursday, November 5, 2009

On August 14th, 2008, Aaron and I got engaged at Cheekwood Botanical Gardens. We had talked about getting engaged in December '08, so I wasn't expecting it until then. Needless to say, I was so very surprised when Aaron asked me to marry him on that day. The funny thing about that day, though, was that we had dinner plans that evening with one of Aaron's childhood friends and his parents. Aaron wanted to go to Cheekwood to "take pictures" and I was not happy about that as we didn't have enough time. I didn't talk to Aaron the whole way there. I was surprised that he kept insisting that we were going as, if I am that adamant about something, he will hear me out. But he wasn't this time. In the end, I was one very happy woman.

My whole senior year of college was spent planning the wedding. We decided on July 25th, 2009 as the day we would be married. I had a ton of help from family and friends. They searched for churches and made so many visits. They looked for reception locations and made so many visits to these places, too. They helped me find my wedding dress, hand make some of the decorations (like the chandeliers you will see later), and helped me get everything set up the day before the wedding. It was such a crazy year, but it made it made it even more special.

My goal with the wedding was for it to truly reflect Aaron and I and to not do the same thing everyone else does for their weddings. I was okay with the church being decorated a bit understated as the sanctuary itself was gorgeous. I didn't want my hair to be fussy. I wanted to look the way I usually do. I didn't want Aaron to not recognize me on our wedding day, but to see the girl he sees everyday.

The day of the wedding, I was much more calm than I thought I would be. Even after getting ready and having my pictures taken, I was calm. Up until the moment I was about to walk down that aisle, I was calm. I got a few butterflies right before I went down, but that was only because I was worried I would say the wrong thing, or trip or something.

The whole ceremony went off without any problems. It went by so fast. But I enjoyed it. I think that's all that matters.

With every wedding there is always stories about things that happen that people remember. With our wedding, we will always remember the Monday before the wedding Brenda, Aaron's mom, having to have emergency eye surgery. She is fully healed now and we are so thankful. God was so good to us during that time. She was able to come to the Bridal Luncheon, the Rehearsal Dinner, and the Wedding. Then there are the smaller things, like the hook on the back of my dress not being there on the day of the wedding. It had come undone and fallen off at some point. Tiffany (my day of coordinator) had to sew me into my dress. Also, one of my flower girls, Sophie (my cousin), almost didn't go down the aisle. She cried on and off during the hour before the wedding. She said she was scared. And, in her defense, that had been the first time she was a flower girl. I think at four years old, I would have been a bit scared, too. But she made it! I was so proud.

I had the most fun at our reception. It was so good to be with our friends from high school and college again. And to be in the same place with all of them was the best! I danced more that I ever did at a prom. It was such a fun evening. It was a bit hot :), but I didn't care.

It was a day that we will both remember forever. I could not have been any happier with how it went. It was a beautiful day and we are truly blessed by our awesome God!